


For to be wise and love exceeds man's might

by AngelicAnimal



Category: Legacies (TV 2018)
Genre: Blind Date, F/M, Handon Weekly November Challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:34:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27800053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelicAnimal/pseuds/AngelicAnimal
Summary: When you are labelled as broken from an early age, how else are you supposed to see yourself?Life doesn't hold the same excitement, and the dark promise of death is a welcomed embrace.But what happens when you add a little bit of hope into that night sky you call a soul?
Relationships: Hope Mikaelson & Josie Saltzman, Josie Saltzman/Rafael Waithe, Landon Kirby & Hope Mikaelson, Landon Kirby & Rafael Waithe, Landon Kirby/Hope Mikaelson
Comments: 4
Kudos: 25





	For to be wise and love exceeds man's might

**Author's Note:**

> This is for my Handon Weekly friends, and everyone else who just loves Hope and Landon.  
> Not sure how a prompt for "Blind Date" resulted in this, but here it is.  
> I'm actually really in love with this story, and the dark complexity of it. Hopefully you all feel the same <3
> 
> TW:// Thoughts of death

The churning waters below my dangling feet roared with life as it dipped and spun and splashed under the arches of the viaduct. Loose shoelaces danced precariously with the currents that could, given the chance, drown a man without even a second thought. 

But I had given it a second thought, in fact I had given it a third and fourth thought, and all I could ever do was hover at the edge, dangling my feet until they ached and I set them back onto solid ground. 

It’s not that I was afraid of how swiftly the waters could take me, or that I even had the thought of jumping swirling through my mind every second of every day. What stopped me was the idea that dancing with death was my sole reason for even being here, like I was born to die… if that made sense. 

And the more I ignored my calling, the more anxious I felt, and the less I cared about my own well being, driving me to the point of recklessness. To the point where I would almost dare myself to push further, whether that meant to balance on one leg, almost willing myself to fall or closing my eyes as I climbed over the smooth concrete, letting it scrape roughly across my fingers until there was nothing but air under my sneakers. I often imagined uncurling my arms from around the railings, and pushing off so I could feel the cold air caressing my skin as death kissed me with its icy lips. 

There was really only one person in the world who seemed to understand the twisted faucets of my obsession. Who, even though he argued against my morbid fascination, never stopped me from myself. 

He, for some unknown reason, believed I would never actually do anything to hurt myself, and it was his faith that usually called to me when I got lost in the currents. 

Finding someone like him, someone I could even call family, was rare for a child thrown into a broken foster system. Especially a child with, what the psychiatrists like to call, morbid delusional fantasies and a complete lack of self preservation. Maybe it was because of the small closet I was jammed into every night, or the random array of cigarette burns peppering my bare skin, or even the lack of depth in someone’s eyes when they looked at me, that spurned this profile they liked to label me with, I didn’t know. You could even call it a complete disregard for love in my case, or say that I was born evil. But, evil is relative depending on who you talk to, and as much as I teased death, I never welcomed it for anyone else. 

But he never made me feel like a freak. He had lost his parents at a young age, and I was thrown away like trash, but somehow we understood each other. He was my brother, and I was his.

As if on cue, my phone started to vibrate desperately in my pocket like a rabid animal chewing its own leg off. Raf was the only one who had my number, as he was the one who insisted I get a phone, and ignoring it would only make him even more determined. He really wasn’t one to take no for an answer, and would make the trip out here just to pull me back by my ear if he had to. 

I sighed loudly and swung my feet back to the safe side of the bridge, before digging the device out of my back pocket. “What?” I answered with a grunt, mildly annoyed that it was barely past 8pm and he was already calling. 

“Okay hear me out bro,” Raf interjected, completely ignoring the growl in my voice. “I know you are all dark and moody right now, and you’re contemplating dancing with the devil on that freaky old bridge, BUT, I need you. Like… urgently..”

My emotions flipped over like a switch, and worry instantly crept into my limbs, shaking them out violently. 

“What’s going on? Where are you?” I blurted, the urgency in my voice coming out in high screeches. I had already started to walk away, towards town, trying to knock down the distance between us. 

“I need you to be my wingman--” but before he could say anything else, I stopped him with a loud groan. “Are you fucking kidding me right now?” 

My free hand pinched the bridge of my nose as I squeezed my eyes shut against the raging pain that knocked against my skull like a ping pong ball. 

“Lan-” Raf cried loudly into the phone, “This girl is smoking hot.. Like.. girl of my dreams hot.. But she won’t go out with me unless I agree to bring someone for her friend”

I nearly dropped the phone from my hand, as the thought of being near people made my skin crawl. “So get one of your other friends!” 

“Look, bro,” Raf said calmly, “I would if I thought she would go for it, but apparently this friend of hers is damaged goods--and well... “ He didn’t have to continue his sentence, because I knew exactly what he was thinking. “I’m damaged goods” I finished, my chest deflating slowly. 

I wasn’t ashamed of who I was, in fact, I used it for my own benefit at times. No one bothered the quiet loser, especially the quiet loser with an apparent death wish. And I liked it that way. 

No one followed me. No one cared. No one even bothered to stop when they saw me jump the bridge and tempt fate every night. I was a shadow. A ghost. A broken soul with an unfortunate past. 

“Sorry,” my brother apologized, knowing how triggering certain words could be regardless of the amount of times I told him I didn't care. 

“Nah,” I said swiftly to assuage his guilt, but still feeling the agitation ripple throughout me at the interruption. “Doesn’t mean I agree though”

“I’ll give you anything bro--come on..” Raf pleaded, “You want me to beg, because I’ll beg”

Something in my brother’s voice cracked open my usual reservations, and I sighed in displeasure. “No one wants to see you beg Raf--least of all me”

“Is that a yes?” 

I rolled my eyes upwards, clucking my tongue in thought as I contemplated. “Fine.” I muttered bitterly, “But just this once. I have no interest in actually socializing with this girl”

Raf’s laughter boomed loudly over the line, ‘I know bro-- ever the loner--but uh, could you play nice for just a little bit?” He teased, earning another groan to escape from my lips. 

“When is this dream date happening?” My voice crackled with sarcasm as I continued to walk forward, with no actual destination in mind yet but knowing that my brother was impatient, and wouldn’t wait to make plans as soon as he possibly could.

The way Raf hesitated told me all I needed to know. “Where?” I muttered bitterly taking wider steps, guessing the destination he had in mind already. 

_ Andres’ _

“Andres.” There was an elation in his voice that I had never noticed before, and a small part of me raged with jealousy that I quickly brushed aside. “Be there in thirty minutes?”

_ Don’t think about it _

“You are so predictable” I fired off, making sure to hide the resentment as convincingly as possible.

He laughed, and I couldn’t figure out if he chose to ignore the hitch in my voice, or if he just really didn’t notice it. Raf and I had always been a team. Family. Brothers. 

We were bound to be pulled apart at some point, right? 

_ No _

I gave my head a shake, flinging away the insecurities like a dog would shake off water. 

I stopped in front of the coffee shop I worked at to catch my breath. It was on the way to Andres, but I was early, and there was no way I was going to sit in a crowded restaurant to wait for my brother and some girl. 

“Hey Lan,” Eddie behind the counter said as I came up to order. 

“Hey, uh, black coffee. Oh, and I think I left my book under the counter during my last shift, could you check?”

“Yeah sure thing” He hopped to grab my cup of coffee before bending down, his hand still on the counter, so he could look. “Oh yeah,” He exclaimed, bouncing up with a smile, “Here it is”

He handed me my worn copy of ‘Troilus and Cressida’ as I threw a dollar bill down. “Thanks” 

Luckily my favorite table in the back corner was unoccupied, and I instantly claimed it as I slowly sipped the dark liquid. 

“A little dark, don’t you think?” A soft voice rang like bells in my ears, and I couldn’t help but look up into a pair of aqua blue eyes framed under long dark lashes. 

“Excuse me?” 

She pointed to the book in my hands. “Troilus and Cressida?”

“Umm, I guess” I mumbled, not really understanding why she was talking to me. 

She must have seen the confusion in my eyes because a dark tinge of pink settled deeply across her nose. 

“I uh-” She fumbled, her eyes darting around the room for an escape. “It’s just--that’s kind of dark for everyday reading”

“How so?” My curiosity peaked. I tried not to interact with too many people, much preferring my books, or the darkness of the bridge to keep me company, but she didn’t come across as dull and vapid as most everyone else. 

She tilted her head to the side as she looked long and hard at me. I watched as her eyes soaked in every bit of me that she could, and I couldn’t help but wonder what it was that she saw. 

I flicked my gaze to the window, taking in my reflection through jaded eyes. Nothing about me stood out. My hair was dark and wild, the curls so out of control that I gave up on them most of the time. My lips were full, but dry, and rough from my teeth. My eyes were a dull green, nothing that made people swoon under my glare, not that I had ever cared. I hated the way everyone made things about looks, and had done everything I could to make sure mine would never be a discussion. 

I was a nobody, who had a face that made it easy to hide in the shadows, but under her gaze, I couldn’t help but really feel seen for the first time, and it frightened me. 

I half expected her to sit at the table with me, but wasn’t surprised when she stood still in her spot, chewing on her bottom lip. 

“Besides the idea of war, which is barbaric to begin with, the tragic doom of the title characters sets a precedent that everyone you love eventually betrays you, and life means very little in the grand scheme of things.”

I was surprised by her answer, and wasn’t able to hide the shocked expression that settled deeply on my face.

“If love isn’t essential in human life, then what is?” She pushed even further, her face pinching together as the thoughts in her mind spilled from her mouth. Her eyes were glazed over as she spoke, not even really looking at me anymore. 

“Who said anything about love?”

My question caught her off guard and she stumbled slightly. “Well-” she murmured, “That’s the reasoning behind Troilus in the play, isn’t it? He’s ‘conquered’ by love, and then his view of betrayal-”

I scoffed, as my eyes rolled upwards. “So are you defending Cressida’s choice to respond to Diomedes’ advances?”

“What?” She must have said that a little louder than intended, because her teeth instantly shot over her lip, sucking it under again. She shook her head, as she slid into the seat across from me, lowering her voice. “I’m not defending anything-- she is far from perfect, and I could care less what she actually did.. It’s just, why should the promise of love be a condition on your own life, or the lives of others? It’s such a disregard for the fragility of human life and the beauty behind actually living”

“So you  _ do _ think that love is essential?”

“Of course I do. What’s a life without love?”

“Easier” I blurted out without thinking. I flicked my eyes up towards hers to gauge her reaction, but was shocked to see only curiosity on her face. 

“What do you take from it then?” Her voice was low, soothing almost, and my mind grew hazy for a moment. 

“Well,” I cleared my throat, thinking. I had never discussed Shakespeare before, and was put off by her question. I knew my view on it of course, but for some reason when it came to actually saying it out loud, I had a hard time with words. Or maybe it was because for the first time, a girl actually intrigued me enough to make me care about her opinions on who I actually was. 

“I think that life has a funny way of making what seems important bigger than it actually is. I mean, what is love? And why does the idea of love make everyone think that happiness is dependent on it? They fight these battles, love, hate--it's all the same- in the end, all you can really count on is the end of life.. That’s real.. That’s inevitable. And that’s something you do on your own.”

“But if you only live to die, are you really living?”

She didn’t wait for my answer before shooting up out of her chair, a look of panic flashing through her eyes. “Shoot” she cried looking at her watch, “I’m late”

She wiggled her fingers in a slight wave, as she took a few steps backwards. “It was nice to meet you Shakespeare” 

She took off rather quickly, throwing the door open before looking back one more time, and then disappearing into the night. 

I shook my head, and sighed. The conversation left me wanting more, and I wasn’t pleased with how we left things. 

I picked up my cold coffee after tucking my book into my coat pocket, before making my way to the counter. “Hey Eddie?” I tapped to get his attention, waving my cup when I caught his eye. 

He nodded and grabbed the pot, bringing it over to me. He took my cold cup, and tossed it in the sink before pouring me a fresh batch. “I think that’s the most I’ve seen you talk to anyone, let alone the opposite sex” Eddie noticed, a sly smile on his face. 

I shrugged, giving him the idea that I didn’t notice or care for his innuendo.”Yeah”

He scoffed. “Dude, you didn’t notice how hot she was?”

_ Was she? I couldn’t stop looking at her eyes _

“No” I replied again, earning another sigh from him. 

“I get it” He finally said, bopping his chin up and down. “She isn’t your type”

I knew what he meant, but I wasn’t going to give him the benefit of an answer. We weren’t friends, and this was the most we had ever spoken before. His opinion of me wasn’t important, so I only shrugged again as I lifted my cup in thanks. “See ya” 

His mouth snapped shut as he stumbled over himself, his face growing red, making the freckles on his face pop out against the color. 

My phone buzzed in my pocket again, bouncing against the fabric of my tattered jeans. 

_ Fuck _

I fished it out and swiped the green accept button. “Hey Raf, I’m coming. I lost track of time”

“Lan, it’s ok. They just showed up. Tell me you are on the way?”

“Yeah, I’m around the corner. I stopped at McBurney’s to kill time.”

“Ok” Raf sounded far away, barely even noticing my excuse. He laughed, his phone all but forgotten, as I held mine to my ear. I could see Andres in my sight, and hesitated before hanging up. 

_ He wouldn’t even notice if I didn’t show up _

I shook the negative thought aside, urging myself to take those last few steps. Raf being happy was the one thing that mattered to me, and as much as I hated it, I couldn’t let him down. 

I took a deep breath as I grabbed the handle to the door, and pulled, stepping inside. 

The place was loud, and crowded, and I instantly felt out of place. Hopefully Raf could hit it off quickly with this girl and let me off the hook, giving me my chance to escape.

Raf wasn’t hard to find. His tall, lean figure and dark complexion made him stand out in a crowd. 

The lanky brunette beside him was easy to spot too, and I instantly saw why he was so taken with her. She was just as noticeable as he was, but she was different than all the other girls he had dated. She was softer around the edges, less flashy, more natural. The ease in which she held herself, told me everything I needed to know about her. This wasn’t going to be a fling. My brother was in it for the long haul. 

I begrudgingly made my way to the table, watching the exchange between this girl and my brother. She had her hand lightly cupped over his, and her other one tucked neatly under her chin as she laughed with him. She was dainty, but there was a strength in her that shone brightly. I guess, should Raf fall under the guise of love, she would be the ideal candidate. 

“Lan- my boy!” Raf cried out as soon as he saw me. The brunette dropped her hand from his as he stood to take me in his arms. He clapped me on the back, before turning back to her, a smile stretched across his entire face. “This is Josie” His voice dipped into a purr at the mention of her name. She reached a hand out to me in greeting. 

“This is my brother Landon,” Raf added, as I returned her advances with my own hand. 

She cocked her head to the side, “Brother?” she asked softly, her voice more melodic than I had anticipated, still clutching my fingers against her palm. 

“Foster” I replied coolly, pulling myself from her grasp. 

“Oh” She rolled her lips into a circle, as her brown eyes flitted back and forth between Raf and I.

I don’t know what reaction I was expecting from her, but the silence wasn’t something that Raf was too comfortable with. His eyes grew dark, as he dropped his hand from my back. 

“Long story,” he mumbled, taking his seat back down beside her. “No need to get into specifics.”

He flashed me a pleading look, begging me to keep my mouth shut. Raf wasn’t as open about his time in foster care, choosing to ignore that part of his past, other than his relationship with me. 

“Oh,” Josie piped up trying to change the subject, her eyes flitting across the room, “There’s Hope.”

I shuddered at the name, refusing to turn around to meet the girl that was the other half of this pity date. She was probably like all the rest. Someone who chose to only look with their eyes, vapid and shallow as most people. 

“Shakespeare?” 

I whipped around at her voice, not expecting to hear it again, and unable to hide the curl at the corner of my lips. 

“You know each other?” Raf asked, furrowing his brows at me, his shoulders lifting slightly in question. 

My mouth dropped open, watching her reaction as something flashed through her mind. 

“Nope,” she said so lightly, shaking her head. “He just gives me that vibe”

I caught the way she winked at me when Josie and Raf both looked at each other in confusion. 

I wasn’t sure what to make of it. It irritated me that I couldn’t figure her out. She was so unlike anyone I had ever met, but on the same token, I was completely in awe of her which just confused me even more.

She took her seat beside me, and grabbed the menu to take a look while I couldn’t stop staring.

“You’re gawking” She teased under her breath, glancing up to make sure the other two weren’t paying attention. Maybe she wasn’t as familiar with Josie as I was with Raf, but I already knew from the way his voice dropped to a murmur, that the only thing on his mind was his date. 

Hope and I could leave and he wouldn’t even give us a second thought. 

“No need to whisper,” I said, letting my words fall out without thinking. “We could leave and I doubt they would notice.”

Hope flicked an arched brow my way. “Oh?”

I shrugged, choosing not to respond with words and instead pointed at the other two at the table, trying to get her to look at them. 

She tore her gaze away momentarily, and I took the opportunity to study her. My initial judgement of her at the coffee shop was lacking now that she was so much closer to me. 

Her hair was shiny, and the ends of her ponytail curled up against the back of her neck, softly tickling the delicate skin there. She had wisps of hair that brushed against the curve of her cheek, and I could just make out tiny freckles that peppered her nose. 

Her eyes were even bluer than I remembered, and the slight pout of her lips suddenly made me question everything about myself. 

I squeezed my eyes shut as I shook my head. What was I doing? 

I didn’t want to do this stupid date to begin with, and now I couldn’t think of any other place I wanted to be. 

_ No, scratch that. I want to be alone with her _

I sighed as I scratched at my face in frustration. There was a battle raging inside of me, and I wasn’t even sure how it had all started. 

“You know,” She said softly, tilting her head in a way that made my heart do a complete 360 spin in my chest. “I’m not really that hungry. And they seem pretty preoccupied.” She motioned towards the other two, who were now hungrily kissing each other like there was no one else around. I shivered at the sight as I tore my eyes away as quickly as possible. 

_ That’s an image I don’t want to hang on to _

“Do you want to get out of here?”

She said it so quietly that I thought I had imagined it first. “Excuse me?”

“I-uh-” she stumbled, suddenly not as sure of herself. “You don’t have to-- I just thought--”

Was she purposely wanting to spend time with me? Alone?

“Are you asking me to leave with you?” After I said it, I instantly felt stupid, and slammed my fists against the sides of my thighs. 

She laid her hand on my arm and nodded. “I am.”

“Oh..” 

“If you’d like to,” she added sheepishly. 

There was something so pure about this girl, and she made it easy to want to be around her. 

I nodded, maybe a little too quickly or a little too eager, suddenly feeling very out of place. And even though I was never one to care about how my actions appeared to others, this time I did, but I really wanted to continue our conversation from earlier. I wanted to hear her thoughts.

It was the first real conversation I had ever had with someone and I wanted more. I craved more. 

“Raf, man” I said loudly, knowing I wouldn’t get a response, but doing it anyways. “We’re gonna take off’

Josie pulled herself away suddenly, glancing at Hope as I stood at the side of the table. She flicked a brow up at her friend, dropping her lips into a frown. Hope leaned in to whisper something in her ear, and whatever she said, seemed to appease her friend enough for her to cast a quick questioning look in my direction before returning back to Raf, who hadn’t disconnected his lips from her skin this whole time. 

I rolled my eyes, something that Hope caught as she turned back to me, laughing quietly at my reaction. 

_ Wow _

Her laugh disarmed me momentarily, making my head spin with questions, and temporary panic. My hands felt clammy, and my heart thumped so wildly in my chest that I pressed my palm against it in an awkward attempt to slow it down. 

Bile rose in my throat as I walked through the crowded room, quickening my pace to the door as something vile bubbled within my chest. 

_ Air.. I need air _

I slammed my body against the door, pushing it open as my vision wavered, jumping out into the cold air and leaning back against the outside wall with my head pushed against the cold brick and my eyes closed. 

_ Great _

This part of me wasn’t one I enjoyed sharing with anyone, and I was mad at myself for allowing it to get to me so quickly. 

_ Dont fucking cry _

I bit down on my lips as I fought the tears, sucking in deep breaths through my nose as I tried to calm down. 

My eyes popped open as a warm hand pressed against my chest, and soft lips brushed against my ears. “Just breath” she whispered, keeping her palm flat against me, matching her breathing with mine until I felt calmer. I watched her as she tilted her head to her chest, keeping her eyes closed as she helped me. Only when she felt the slowing of thumping under her fingertips did she lift her face up and open her eyes. Her face was only inches from mine, her lip under her teeth, our breathing in unison. 

_ She smelled amazing _

“Feel better?” She finally whispered, and I nodded, holding my breath and pinching myself as close to the wall as possible. 

Noticing my discomfort, she cleared her throat and stepped away, giving me at least two feet of distance. “Sorry” she mumbled, shaking her head. 

When I didn’t say anything, she wrapped her arms around herself in the same way I did anytime I felt like falling apart. “No, it’s ok” I squeezed out of my lungs, tearing my back from the brick. 

“Do you want me to go?” She had this sad half smile on her face, and these little wrinkles under her eyes that I wanted to smooth away with my fingers. 

Her question took me by surprise, and I blinked rapidly as I tried to come up with an answer. 

“You aren’t really good at this are you?”

“I--” I stumbled, taking a step back again, feeling the wall beneath my palms, “Good at what?”

She uncurled her arms from her chest as she cocked her head to the side, her mouth slightly open. “Conversation..”

“That’s not true,” I snapped, feeling defensive. Who was she to judge me? She is exactly like the rest. My anger burned in my chest, rising up as I gave it oxygen with each sucked in breath. 

“That wasn’t an insult” She mumbled, looking down at her feet. “I’m not that great at it either”

Sympathy danced with the rage inside of me, spinning on its heels until it was nothing but smoke. 

“You were pretty good at it back at the coffee shop” I finally said in my attempt to stitch this night together. 

She looked up at me with moist eyes, “I don’t normally do that”

“Do what?”

“Talk to strange boys in coffeehouses -- or a lot of people in general really.. I, uh, I’m not really a ‘people’ person” She wiggled her fingers as she spoke, the sarcasm coming through with the flick of her wrist. 

I laughed, which was surprising even to me. “Me either” I finally replied, feeling more settled than I had all night. 

“Had I known you were the one I was supposed to meet tonight, I would have just asked you to stay and have coffee with me” I joked, laughing nervously as I ran my hand through my curls. 

“Oh” Her hand fluttered to her face as she shyly blushed. “Me too” she whispered, looking away from me. 

“I’d really like to continue the conversation-- if you’d like..” 

She bit down on her lip and nodded.

I waved my hand out in front of me, silently gesturing with my body to start walking. She seemed to understand because she nodded again, and took a few steps back. 

“I don’t have a car” I mumbled embarrassingly, shoving my hands in my pockets in an attempt to wipe them down. 

“It’s ok,” she shrugged, “Neither do I. And I like walking--” She tucked a wisp of her hair behind her ear, but the slight shake of her hand told me it was less about it being bothersome, and more about her way of brushing off whatever internal battle she had going on. Much in the same way that I used my own hair for. 

“So,” I said after a few minutes of silent walking, “Do you read a lot of Shakespeare?”

“Yeah, I read a lot in general really. When I’m not reading, I’m painting.. I don’t usually do--*this*” She waved her hand around her, gesturing to the entire situation. 

“You mean you don’t get dragged out on dates with strange men... “

She rolled her eyes at me, but smiled as she did so. “You do?”

“All the time” I teased laughing, “but they find my lack of communication skills irritating”

“Oh, so you don’t just talk Shakespeare with anyone?” 

I shook my head, amused by her ability to keep up with my sarcastic nature. “I save that for the special ones” 

“Are you calling me special?” 

_ Shit _

“I uh,” I stammered, bringing my hand back up to my hair, “you--I--” 

Her hand on my arm stopped me mid word. “I’m just teasing” 

I snapped my mouth shut as my cheeks flared red. “Right--yeah”

“I love Shakespeare honestly” she replied, changing the subject. “There is so much meaning behind everything he writes.. And uh, its dark.. I like dark.. I get dark..”

She flicked her eyes up at me to gauge my reaction, but I only matched her gaze. “Me too”

She sighed a breath of relief. “I, um, lost most of my family rather quickly.. Had to grow up fast. Reading helped me get through the things I was dealing with”

Something inside of me clicked. Her and I were more similar than we both knew. Did Raf know this? Was this really just a set up? Did he and Josie plan this all along?   
“I grew up in foster care. Thrown on a doorstep when I was a baby. I jumped from shitty foster home to shitty foster home. Raf is the only family I have” 

_ Why did I just tell her that? _

“Hell is empty. All the devils live here” 

_ Did she just quote..  _ My feet stopped moving, as I turned to look at her. 

“The Tempest--I’m impressed”

She scowled which was the exact opposite reaction I was expecting. 

“You’re surprised?” She snapped, her blue eyes clouding over. “I’m not a liar”

“No--I--” I threw my hands up in defense, “I’m just-- I’m just not used to this”

Her sneer softened almost instantly, as guilt flooded her face. “Sorry- I just can’t stand people who lie--and I thought--” She sighed without finishing. 

“I get it” I replied, shrugging. “And I didn’t mean to offend you.”

She smiled apologetically, before her brows furrowed together. “What aren’t you used to?”

I blushed and lowered my eyes. “Talking about myself.. My interests.. I’m used to just blending into the shadows..”

She hummed for a moment as she tapped her foot against the concrete. “Well..” she finally murmured, “I happen to like the shadows.”

My heart thumped madly as my eyes met hers. Something warm flooded through me as we stood there, and it made me want to share with her, to be real with her. 

“Do you want to see my favorite place in this city?”

She nodded. “Yeah, I’d love that” 

“It’s nothing special” I nervously laughed, “Just a place I go to think.. Or read..”

“Show me” She whispered, placing her hand on my arm and making my skin tingle. 

I shook my head, and turned towards the direction of the bridge. I don’t know if this revelation could stop whatever was happening between us, but I didn’t want to hide from her. I didn’t want to blend. I wanted her to see me. The real me. The scary me. 

“So, can I guess your favorite Shakespeare play?” I asked her, a hint of humor in my voice. 

She cocked her head, smirking at me. “Go ahead.”

I tapped my finger against my lips in exaggeration as I thought. I could go with a more well known play, one that  _ most  _ girls would say is their favorite, but without actually knowing the context behind it,  _ Romeo and Juliet,  _ but Hope didn’t seem like the type. She knew the deeper works, she’s read The Tempest of all things. But, then again, she is a believer in love..

_ Even though R & J is about the consequences of love.. And doom..  _

“Romeo and Juliet” I guessed, knowing it wasn’t right, but wanting to see her reaction all the same. 

“Do you bite your thumb at me sir?” She giggled, arching her brows in question. 

I shook my head and laughed. “Yeah, I didn’t think so”

“Do you need a hint?” She giggled, widening her eyes in amusement at this little game we were playing. 

I pursed my lips, and slightly shrugged. “Ok--try me”

She clapped her hands together, rubbing them as though she was trying to light a fire. 

She cleared her throat, and put her hands up in exaggeration, pointed towards the darkness of the night sky. “My soul is in the sky” she bellowed, her eyes closed against the moonlight that painted her face before squinting at me through one slit of her eyelid to gauge my reaction. 

“A Midsummer Night’s Dream.. I never would have guessed”

She smirked and lowered her chin so we were face to face. “No?”

I shrugged, “I mean, I suppose it was obvious--seeing as how you are a believer in love--which I’m assuming also leads into that of true love.. And most of his plays are tragic--”

“Wait--” she said, holding up her hands, “You think its my favorite because of love? What is it with you and that word?”

I clicked my teeth together as my mouth snapped shut. “Then what is it?” I asked, changing the subject. 

“I’ll tell you but I want an answer to my question first” 

I shook my head, lowering my shoulders and bringing my hands up in question. “I don’t know.. I guess it's just-- people throw that word around so carelessly. Raf has loved more girls than I can count-- “ I hesitated before going on, changing the direction of thought, “I guess it just doesn’t mean anything to me”

“What were you going to say before you stopped?”

“Nothing”

“It’s not nothing. Please?”

I sighed. “How can I believe in love when I’ve never been loved my entire life?”

I turned away from her, noticing that we were now at the bridge, and desperately wanting to climb over the side just to feel something else besides this crippling anguish smothering me in that moment. 

I leaned against the railing, sitting down momentarily before swinging my legs over to the other side. “We’re here” I mumbled, keeping my eyes downcast to the stormy waters below. 

“This is where you come to think?” There was no judgement in her voice, only questions, and I chanced a brief look at her. 

I shrugged as I scratched my nails against the cold concrete. “Yeah”

I waited for her to look at me like everyone else did. Like I was that broken toy that no one wanted. That no one dared try to fix.. Not that they could. 

But I saw no pity in her eyes. Nor did I see that sparkle that most people get when they spot a challenge. Instead, she climbed over the edge of the railing and took a seat next to me, looping her arm through my own. 

“Midsummer is my favorite because it gives me hope” She snorted slightly at the pun. 

“How?” 

She pursed her lips as she looked down, dangling her legs freely in mid air. “Life can be a mess, and things can get all kinds of screwed up--but what if we are all just walking through a dream? And every morning when we wake up, it's a clean slate--like we can choose to change things if we want to..”

“Hmm” I huffed, contemplating her very surprising answer. 

“What does that mean? How do you see it?”

“That story just proves that love is nothing more than an irrational, blind force that people give too much credit to. The idea that love is only seen by the eyes rather than the heart, I mean.. It's the constant throughout all his stuff. Romeo with Juliet, Troilus with Cressida, Orlando with Rosalind… Lysander, Hermia, Helena… “

“Why do you hate love so much?” She slipped out as I spoke, stopping my vomit of words. 

“I--I don’t.. I’m just not sure it exists”

“That’s what someone who has never been in love before says” She mused, tucking her hands into her lap as she played with the hem of her sweater. 

“Have you been in love?” I asked her, turning my face to hers, wanting to look into her eyes as I asked the question. 

Her lashes fluttered as quickly as the wings of a hummingbird, the heat from her breath tickling against my lips. 

“No-” She sighed, lowering her eyes, “But I like to think I will one day.. When I meet the right person” 

Her eyes slowly travelled back up mine while I studied her. I don’t know how I had never noticed just how intense they were, but I could feel my throat constricting as I committed every inch of her face to detail. 

“You’re wrong you know” She finally murmured, taking her lovely eyes away from mine and instead laying her head on my shoulder. 

“About what?”

“Love” She replied so easily. 

I didn’t have an answer for her. I didn’t even have an answer for myself. 

Her hand slid from her lap into mine, curling her fingers through my own as she sighed. 

“You confuse love with infatuation. Your eyes see what you think you want, but it’s what you see with your heart that really matters. And the heart doesn’t judge, or fear.. It just does.”

I leaned my head against hers as I closed my eyes. I had never shared any of this with anyone, and yet, being here with her felt as natural as breathing. 

“Hope?” I don’t know what was happening, nor if anything would ever come from this night, but I wanted her to know me, all of me. And that included the dark parts. 

“Mhhmm?”

I slid my hand from hers and stood, balancing on the edge in the way I was so familiar with. 

I expected her to scream, to tell me to come back to safety, something.. But she just looked at me with a slight hint of surprise in her face. 

There’s this part of me that wonders if--” I hesitated, tearing my gaze from her and looking down at the water instead. “If maybe I wasn’t meant to live… like I’ve been doing this dance with death my whole life--”

“And that’s why you come here?” She whispered, realization in her eyes. 

I nodded. “Do you -- do you want to die?” She asked softly, nudging herself closer to me. 

I spread my arms out like wings, pushing them back as I balanced. “I thought about it time and time again.. How easy it would be to just jump.. To let the waters take me over.. Who would miss me?”

_ Raf  _

I shook that thought off. “Maybe that’s why Shakespeare speaks to me. There is something so beautifully tragic in his words, and it makes me feel like I’m not alone.”

“There’s nothing romantic about death” She murmured, her mouth dropping into a frown, “It’s easy.. Life--that’s hard.. But you do it everyday because even though you think you have a choice, you don’t.”

I opened my mouth to speak, my chin dropping, my tongue pressed against my teeth, but she stood up, and fear overwhelmed me. I didn’t care if I fell, but her--well--her I wanted to keep safe..

She threw her arms out to balance herself, pushing her toes deeply against the railing to keep herself from falling, taking the tiny leap to where I stood, hovering over the edge. 

“If we were Romeo and Juliet, we could jump-- it would be all beautifully tragic wouldn’t it?”

I dropped my arms to my sides, too stunned to answer right away. My tongue felt numb in my mouth, and all I could do was stare at her. 

Suddenly she laughed, the sound full of warmth as it echoed throughout the air, tickling my senses with its melody. 

“Got ya” She teased, holding her hand out to me, urging me to take it. 

I peered down at the water, its unforgiving torrents singing in my ears before examining her hand once again. Finally, I sighed and held my hand out to hers, sliding my fingers into her palm, and allowing her to pull me close. She fumbled back against the safety of the railing, as she swung her legs back over to the other side. I allowed her to pull me back over as well, until we were both finally standing back on the road, overlooking the view in front of us. 

Moonlight caressed our cheeks as we stared at each other, neither one able to find the right words. 

Finally, she took a breath before looking away, but I noticed the change in her body language instantly. 

“I have to go” She said sadly, locking her eyes on mine. Her expression was soft, but troubled, enough for me to see that there was something she was fighting inside of her. 

Finally, she leaned in and softly kissed my cheek, letting her lips linger for a moment longer than intended, but too short for my liking. 

“Parting is such sweet sorrow--” She murmured, slowly winking at me as she took a step back. 

“Good night Shakespeare” she added, her lips curled into a smile that I knew I would be dreaming about later on. 

“Bye” I stammered, my face unintentionally impassive as I watched her turn to leave for the second time tonight. 

I brought my hand up to my face, laying my palm against the cheek that contained her kiss. 

“That I shall say goodnight till it be morrow,” I finally replied, much too late at this point as she had already rounded the corner out of sight, but for the first time in my life, feeling hopeful for something more. 

_ Maybe I could believe in love after all _


End file.
